Harry M. Bagdasian
KEEP SCHOOL SAFE
a public service announcement
Script by Harry Michael Bagdasian
Followspot up on SAFETYMAN -- or Safety Woman, if you prefer – dressed in quasi-super hero garb.
SAFETYMAN: Safetyman here with a message for students and parents. Have you seen this at your local school bus stop?
Followspots move to show us two boy students at a school bus stop.
SAM: I got a new key chain when we went to the shore this weekend. See, it says “Ocean City, MD” on it.
JOEY: What is that on the chain?
SAM: A nail clipper … with a little nail file … neat huh?
JOEY: You can’t bring that into school, it’s not allowed.
SAFETYMAN: (steps into the light with the boys) That’s right, Joey. That may seem like an innocent nail clipper, but in irresponsible hands it could kill. Parents, remind your children not to bring any pointed objects to school.
CINDY: (entering to next to Safetyman) Daddy, daddy, look what grandma gave me for my birthday – pencils with my name on them!
CINDY: Yes and they all are sharpened and ready for me to take to school.
SAFETYMAN: No, Cindy.
CINDY: But Dad, why can’t I take them to school?
SAFETYMAN: Joey, can you tell Cindy?
JOEY: They have sharp points. Everything in school has to be dull.
SAFETYMAN: (to Cindy) That’s right Cindy. No sharp objects are allowed. (to audience) Oh sure, we could take the time to teach students how to behave responsibly with nail files, fingernail clippers, scissors and the like, but responsibility opens the door to irresponsibility. That’s why we have outlawed anything that can point, poke, cut, jab, stab, or dismember. It’s a responsible response to irresponsibility. Just remember kids, the less responsibility you have the less you’ll be irresponsible.
KIDS: (with big smiles) Thanks, Safetyman!
SAFETYMAN: Parents! Kids! Let’s make our schools safe. Keep them pointless!
©2002 Harry Michael Bagdasian
KEEP SCHOOL SAFE was original published in FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK a collection of 22 parody sketches by Harry Michael Bagdasian as published by Meriwether Publishing Ltd. Contemporary Drama Services. Paper back copies are only available from the author firstname.lastname@example.org. Performance rights are currently controlled by PIONEER DRAMA SERVICES. They will lease you a pdf of FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK a collection of 22 parody when royalties are paid. To acquire those you must star by going to www.Contemporarydramaservies.com