“OCPOCK”

copyright 1997 by the authors

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     LIGHTS come up on a news desk where we see two broadcasters,

     Newsy 1 & Newsy 2

NEWSY 2: The Center for Disease Control In Atlanta has reported that more and more American parents are becoming clinically stressed out. The CDC has, in fact, reported that stress has now reached epidemic proportions. For this report we join a Montgomery County mother in the middle of her afternoon car pool. (In a single light we see LIZA, a soccer mom, seated driving her van while talking on her cell phone.)

LIZA (Soccer Mom): Okay, let me write that down. No, of course I’m not letting go of the steering wheel. Emily, stop kicking the back of my seat! How can I pay attention to my driving, and talk to daddy on the phone with you kicking the back of my seat!? (continuing phone conversation:) Okay. I pick up Bryan at 3 instead of 4 and Charis at 4 instead of 2. I don’t pick up Kate at all -- oh, not until tomorrow at 9:45. Got it. Is that a.m. or p.m.? Right. Okay. Travis is having dinner with the Drury’s and not with the Lochers, but Mark Drury is going to soccer and needs to be picked up by Britany when she is on her way home from Nathan’s basketball. No, I am not stressed out! Remember, take Jared to the orthodontist not the endodontist. (then to someone in the van) I told you to go to the bathroom before we left home! (then back on the phone) Hilary needs a full set of Styrofoam balls from MJDesigns by 4:15 for her project and you need to drive her to Pauline’s after play practice so they can finish their homework. (click) I’m being beeped -- hold on. Oh, you forgot what? Where is it? Okay, I’ll meet you at the Paulson’s so we can get to school before they lock it up at 4:30. Don’t be late. (click) Hi again. Sorry, Bryan forgot his homework -- again -- at least I think that was Bryan! Dinner? I don’t know. Dinner? Oh no, not again. Okay dear, where are you now? Oh really? I’m coming in your direction! Oh, there you are! (waves) Oh, nice to see you. Hey, I love that tie with that shirt. (responding to something in the back seat) What? (then, into phone:) Gotta go. I have to help the kids in the back seat finish their chemistry experiment before we get to dance class. (Lights shift from Liza to the News Desk. Newsy 1 is on the phone.)

NEWSY 1: We can go to the cocktail party and then to the gallery opening if you can drop the kids at your mother’s and she can take them to the sitter’s at 9 ... oh. Gotta sign off, honey, we’re back on the air. (then, to audience) We’re back. So. Austin, is there any hope for these over-committed people?

NEWSY 2: You betcha. Our roving camera picked up a recent meeting of “OCPOCK” in Silver Spring, Maryland.

NEWSY 2: It’s a new self-help organization. “OCPOCK” stands for “Overly Committed Parents with Overly Committed Kids.” OCPOCK is the popular self-help group that parents are turning to to regain their sanity. Let’s learn more about them.

(Lights out on the news desk and up on a therapy session. A therapist stands looking down at five parents who are seated on the floor in various yoga poses. Their leader speaks to them in a soothing tone.)

JULIE: Breathe in. (pause, then:) Breathe out. (pause, then:) Breathe in. (pause, then:) Breathe out. Good. Okay. Now, who would like to start today?

LIBBY: I'll start, Julie.

JULIE: Good, Libby. (Julie hands the microphone to Libby, a Mom OCKPOCK’er.)

LIBBY: My name is Libby ... and I'm a recovering overly committed parent with overly committed kids. It all started innocently enough, but suddenly it was out of control. I was waking up at 3 in the morning in a panic. I was chairman of eight PTA committees at three different schools. My children were taking riding lessons, cello, piano and flute lessons and were members of scout troops and on three different soccer teams in two different leagues. I found myself throwing away invitations to birthday parties before my children could even see them because we couldn’t fit them into our schedule! It's been six months since my last car pool.

JULIE: Good, Libby. Would you like to share anything with us tonight?

LIBBY: Well, Julie, I still get the craving. Every day at 2:30 my heart starts pounding and I begin searching -- frantically -- for my keys. I feel the urge to hop into my van, head for school and then race around town in rush hour traffic for three hours carpooling kids to lessons, friends' houses and practices. I especially miss soccer tournaments when we had to bolt out of bed at 5 am to be on a field in a rainstorm at 7 – in Manassas, Virginia. You build such a bond with other parents in these situations! We started the OCPOCK program six months ago, and we're sticking with it, but it's difficult, Julie, it's very difficult.

JULIE: Thank you, Libby. (to the group) A little acknowledgment, come on! (leads applause)

LIBBY: Thank you.

JULIE: How about you, Janice?

JANICE: My husband and I were so uptight about the children missing out on anything. We tried to be sure they had it all -- sports teams, music lessons, language training, dance sessions, art classes, scouts, travel, camp and, of course, a little time for themselves! Now that we're on the OCPOCK recovery plan, we've cut our carpooling time in half. Our driving time is down from 42 hours a week to only 21 hours a week!

JULIE: Tell us how it's working.

JANICE: Well, I miss life on the road. I miss all those drive-through fast food places where they came to know us by name. I no longer have Pizza Hut on my speed dial. It's hard to plan a sit-down meal, but I’m re-learning those skills. Sitting around a table together is taking some getting used to. My youngest is having the most trouble. She really grew up in the van. The only way she can study or read is in a moving vehicle. McDonald’s drive-through, though, is very helpful when I get the shakes.

JULIE: Like, for milk shakes?

JANICE: No, when I go through withdrawal symptoms and get the shakes, I find it is helpful to sit in line at a McDonald’s drive-through.

JULIE: Good, Janice, good. (leads applause) How about you, Herbert? Why are you here?

HERBERT: When the kids were little, life seemed under control. But now, I can't stand it!

JULIE: Can you be more specific?

HERBERT: The "I forgots!" Sunday nights when all the stores are close except for the 7-11 and I hear "I forgot I have to turn in a diorama of a scene from the civil war tomorrow!" At least my wife gets a warning. She knows she's in trouble when she hears, "Mommy, I love you Mommy." What usually follows is "I forgot I promised you'd make home baked cupcakes for the entire class tomorrow." Or there's "Mommy, I love you Mommy. I forgot to tell you, but Lassie chewed up all my valentines that you bought me. I need new valentines for tomorrow!" And then, there’s my personal favorite. "I forgot, Dad, but I promised you'd get a truck for tomorrow. A What? A truck, Dad. We need a truck. That's when I get real brave and ask, "What do you need a truck for?" And he very proudly tells me, "we finished our group project and I promised you'd haul it to school for us. "What was your project, I stupidly ask. "A life-size replica of the Apollo 11 moon lander." I had to ask.

JULIE: Just keep breathing, Herbert, these things take time.

HERBERT: I know, I know, but boy, I thought quitting smoking was hard.

JULIE: You can do it, Herbert. Can’t he? Come on, some encouragement. (leads applause) Thank you, Herbert. And now Liza. I know this your first group session and you might be a little nervous, but have you anything to share with us?

LIZA: My name is Liza. I'm new at this. I'm not sure what to say.

JULIE: Maybe you want to tell us about when you realized you needed a change?

LIZA: It was last week. I knew I was at the end of my rope when I came down for breakfast last Saturday, My husband was at the breakfast table. There was this plate of food in front of him. The last two eggos in the house. There was no milk, no eggs no cereal. He was about to cut into those two eggos and I screamed "don't you eat that food!" I became totally irrational. It was the only food left in the house that didn’t need milk which we were out of and I had to get the boys fed something before we left for a soccer tournament! I was so desperate! (collect herself, then:) It's been three weeks, now, since my last car pool. I think I can make it. What's going to help is the tears, Julie, the tears my family shed when they opened the refrigerator the other day and it was full of food. Their tears! If I can just remember their tears, I think I can lick this over commitment problem.

JULIE: (leads applause) Good, Liza, good. We haven’t heard from Bridget today, have we? (Julie notices that Bridget is holding a small cell phone to her cheek and sucking her thumb.)

JULIE: Bridget, is that a cell phone you are carrying? You know that once you are enrolled in the OCPOCK program you are not allowed to have a beeper, a cell phone, a sky pager or an electronic calendar.

BRIDGET: Oh yes, Ma’am, I do. I do.

JULIE: Then let me have the cell phone, Bridget.

BRIDGET: It’s not a cell phone, Julie, honest. It just is a kid’s toy. I bought it at the candy store, it’s full of bubble gum, honestly.

LIBBY: Can I hold it?

LIZA: No, let me!

LIBBY: Please, I haven’t held a cell phone in weeks!

JULIE: People, please. Work with me here. Bridget. (holds out hand) Your toy phone, please.

LIBBY: Aw, let her keep it.

JULIE: No. Everyone of you know the rules.

HERBERT: Tough love. You gotta use tough love in a case like this.

JULIE: Thank you Herbert.

BRIDGET: But the phone patches the doctor gave me just aren’t strong enough!

JULIE: We’ll discuss that between now and our next session. (A beeper goes off. Everyone reaches to check their beepers, and, of course, they discover they no longer wear a beeper.)

JULIE: Oops, that was me, sorry. (Everyone reaches out towards Julie as if reaching to a shrine of some kind.)

EVERYONE: Oooooh, a beeper!

JANICE: (in tears) I miss my beeper.

JULIE: Keep breathing, you’ll get over it in time. Now, I have to return this call, but I’ll be right back.

BRIDGET: (handing over the phone) I don’t think that one session a week is enough. I think I need more.

LIBBY: I need three sessions a week.

HERBERT: That’s it. That’s it!

LIBBY: What’s it?

HERBERT: I have these OCPOCK meetings three times a week, my therapist twice a week, family counseling once a week and I have to drive my kids to their therapists once a week. And there’s that pile of books and articles about stress that I have to read that are piling up next to my bed! All this work to eliminate stress? It’s stressing me out! (A Student enters the scene and asks:)

STUDENT: Excuse me?

HERBERT: What?

STUDENT: I’m working my way through college selling the new Miracle-Phone ...

HERBERT: The portable phone that fits inside your ear?

STUDENT: Light as a feather. Almost invisible!

HERBERT: Does the phone you’re selling get call waiting?

STUDENT: Yep and will soon have caller ID and voice mail features.

HERBERT: I’ll take two ... (Everyone goes for the kid, mobbing the student and shouting.)

LIBBY: Me, too ...

JANICE: Me three

LIZA: I want four of them!

BRIDGET: Me, me, me , me!

     Blackout

     Music sting